Saturday, February 27, 2010

Who am I?

My friend, Tina wrote the other day about being a runner..."in her head" and it got me thinking. No, I'm not going to start running. I know that's not me, but it did get me thinking about the things "in my head" that I think I am.

Am I really a stay-at-home mom? Or am I a work-at-home mom? My days are filled with mothering amongst the working...or working amongst the mothering. And most days I seem to fail at one or the other or both.

Am I really a babywearing mama when the babe only gets put in the wrap a couple of times a month?

Am I really all about cloth diapers when she is in cloth diapers only some times and when I feel like it?

Am I really a homeschooling mom when I make no time for "school" in our day?

I do know that I have made a renewed committment to feeding my family better with more "real foods" and more things from scratch, but I'm scared I may get a little nuts some times. I don't want to be "the one" who everyone is scared to feed or have over because she is always reading labels and looking down on other peoples food choices.

Is it really fair for me to be that judging person when I still have M & M's in my pantry. And just because these food things are important to me doesn't mean I can't be gracious when people are kind and generous and hospitable to me and mine.

And is it just me or do you act differently around different people? Why do I feel like I need to do that? Why do I worry about vaccuuming before "person A" comes over but could care less if "person B" sees my daily messy house? Is it me or is it them?

And why am I more likely to talk about God with one person over another? Is that really fair to a non-believer? If I really care about lost souls, shouldn't I be sharing Him with everyone?

As a related note, I have noticed the closer my walk with Christ becomes, the more Satan (yes, I believe in Satan) is showing up...more in my thoughts and self-doubt than anything but other places as well.  It's really annoying, but affirming too because I know I am on the right path.

And just to leave you with a good laugh. Can I really proclaim mad-organizing skills when I have closets that look like this...

God bless!
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